Ask (for) more.
We were watching Ozark on Netflix last Tuesday.
(Don’t worry; it’s safe to read on I’m NOT spoiling anything for you!!)
And this scene in episode 1 of season 2 got my attention:
A woman asks a man for something she wants, and he says no to that.
Anything else, he says, just name it, but not that.
She thinks for a bit and then asks for item #1.
You can see in her face that she’s afraid she asked for too much, but thought well, screw it, if I can’t have the other thing, then at least I want this thing.
Much to her surprise, the guy says: “Done. What else?”
She tries to hide her surprise and casually names a second thing.
Again the guy immediately says: “Sure. What else.”
You can tell she’s already surprised he even said yes to the first thing, and then she could ask for another thing, and now a THIRD thing????
She thinks for a second and says: “Nah. That’s it.”
WHATEVER she would have asked for — besides that one thing she couldn’t have — he’d have said yes to.
But she just couldn’t think of anything more to ask in that moment.
Or maybe she could, but feared she’d reached the limit of what’s possible for her to receive.
I resonated with that woman.
I sometimes feel there’s only so much you can ask for.
Not just from people — I’m not even talking about that.
But from the universe.
As if there’s a limited number of requests available per person, and I have to be mindful to not use up my quota.
That makes no rational sense whatsoever.
Asking for what I want, what I need, and then some (!), is a muscle I’m still training.
Most women are pretty bad at asking and receiving.
Women tend to:
And ask for too little.
There are all kinds of reasons why many of us do this:
Upbringing. Conditioning. Messages from the society we live in. Common beliefs.
This is not an article about those reasons, though.
Because in the end, those reasons aren’t that important.
Because once you’re an adult, these external reasons are not — are NEVER — what keeps you from doing something.
You internalized these outer voices a looooong time ago, and now it’s YOU telling you:
- That you can’t ask for too much. (According to whom? Who decides what’s ‘too much’? And why?)
- That you can’t expect to simply receive just because you ask for it. (Why not?)
- That it’s important to be modest and not be greedy. (Asking for something doesn’t equal being greedy. Asking for more than you need doesn’t necessarily make you greedy. You think it does? Why? Explore further…)
- That it’s not fair to receive even more than you already have. (Does you denying yourself something make someone in lack suddenly receive more? It’s not fair because…? Yep. More food for thought.)
You get the idea, right?
I don’t have to spell out EVERYTHING that goes on in your mind, that would be a little TOO creepy 😉
I know why this particular scene stood out for me right now.
First, because I’m working on strengthening my ask-and-receive muscles myself.
And second, because I promised the women in my Divinely Selfish Community a master class on giving.
On when giving is a good thing, and when it’s actually bad for you. (And for the recipient as well!)
On over-giving, and why you do that, and why to stop it, and how to stop it.
And normally when I have the inspiration for a master class, it flows out of me faster than a good old bout of diarrhea.
(Ew, gross, I know, but it’s the first and ONLY metaphor I can come up with right now.)
(And OK, you’re right, I’m not even trying to come up with a different one.)
But this time?
After seeing this scene in Ozark, I realized why that was:
Giving and receiving are two sides of the same coin.
So I already knew I’d do a master class on both.
But at the essence of both topics?
And I should create a master class on asking FIRST.
So that’s what I’m doing, today or tomorrow or next week — whenever feels like the perfect right time.Very soon, that’s for sure.
You can dive into this topic for yourself right now already,:
How good are you in asking for what you want?
In asking for what you need?
In asking for MORE than you need?
And can you actually RECEIVE it when it comes your way?
Play with it today, and ask for 25 things today. MINIMUM.
25. Or more!!!
Ask people or ask the universe or both.
Ask, and let go.
Whatever happens next, happens next.
You have nothing to lose.
And everything to win.
And if you’d like to receive these master classes on asking, giving, and receiving?
Plus other master classes; a bonus program on creating & growing your business without soul-sucking plans & strategies; my book before anyone else gets to see it; and monthly Q&A’s?
That is your place to be if you want to be true to yourself in your business & life, and you want to make a difference as a result of putting you first.
(Instead of constantly adjusting yourself, compromising on what you REALLY want, and catering to anyone else’s needs before your own.)
And OF COURSE also giving,
©️ Brigitte van Tuijl
Just asking again.
I need to reach those damn 25 asks myself today, too, you know? 😉
Want more articles like this automatically delivered to your inbox?
Sign up for weekly(ish) updates here!
Originally published at brigittevantuijl.com on September 6, 2018.